Things I Never Thought That I'd Do

First of all, we are still waiting to hear more about transitioning kiddo #5 into our house.  The frenzy has subsided and now I am just happy and anxious to get an update and to visit with her.  We have been praying for her daily and trying to think of ways to organize this house a little more.  It is like a different version of "nesting."
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Did you ever imagine the crazy things you would do to parent your kids??  Here's a few that I might not have believed 10 years ago if you told me them about myself.

• Be a mom to 4 kids (5 hopefully) of different races.  One with special needs and one with food allergies. After all, the day H and I got engaged, he said "Two.  That's it."  I agreed.
• Be a foster and adoptive parent.
• Go grocery shopping with four kids: one in the Baby Bjourn carrier, two in the horrid "car" cart (which is impossible to steer), and one walking and checking off the list.
• Hit the baby's head (who is in the Baby Bjourn carrier) on the cart not once but twice in one trip.
• Actually see your dog licking up your child's spit-up, think it is gross, yet be too busy to really care.
• Hold a baby on your hip as you squat in the public restroom stall. Then you try to pull up your pants and buckle your belt with one hand while the beloved baby laughs as she keeps pushing the pants back down with her foot. 
• Actually hear yourself say things like "Because I said so!" or "Eat. There are children all over the world starving."
• Drive a van and have no problem with it.
• Want a camper so that you can pile the kids and husband in and go across country someday.
• Catch spit-up in your hand in public...more than once. 
• Text your husband while he is boarding a plane to see if he'd like a 5th child.
• Love some little people so much that some days your heart could explode....or your mind. 

I am sure that I'll remember more as soon as I publish this post, but it's a start.  But come on people, tell me what you've done that you never thought you would...

We Have News...

I have been a little distracted lately.  On Saturday, the call finally came notifying us that the court had made the necessary ruling to take the next step toward adopting "JJ".  The new adoption worker gave me a lot of information and I diligently listened and took notes...while on the inside I was jumping up and down!  While we are not completely "out of the woods," finalization feels so much closer now.  Hooray!

Before our news could settle in, I got another call on Monday.  I felt a little cautious, as if something had changed or went wrong with the case.  I listened carefully and didn't believe it when I heard the worker ask, "Would your family be interested in adopting JJ's 2 year old sister as well?"  WHAT??  She gave me some details and told be to take time to talk to the hubby before deciding.

OH CRAP!!  I realized that, at that very moment, my hubby was sitting on a plane to go across the county for a business trip.  I quickly called him, and got no answer.  He sent me a text back, "What's up?  We are boarding the plane." I quickly wrote back with the short story.  His response was, "HUH???"  I laughed a little and within seconds he called.  I spilled the story as quickly as I could and I heard the flight attendant telling them to turn off their "electronic devices."  He pretty much told me not to give them a decision before he landed and that he didn't expect to have this conversation already.  I told him to pray and call me when he landed.

I was excited and nauseous and emotional (and still am) all at the same time.  I was having a hard time processing without having "H" around.  I didn't fully know what he was thinking or feeling, but I knew deep down what my answer was and I didn't want to influence him one way or the other.  I was feeling saddened for a little girl that was going to have a transition that she didn't understand.  And frankly, I was freaking out!  Would five kids fit in the van with all of the car seats?  How would PT deal with having 4 sisters? Can we meet everyone's needs?  What will the sleeping situation be?  Can we afford this?  Will this negatively impact the kids or our marriage? What would be best for JJ and her biological sister?  How would our biological kids feel about it?

What was I afraid of, really?  It was the simple fear of not being a good enough mom to all 5 kids.  But one question just kept coming back...How could I ever say no? 

I wasn't ready to tell the kids anything specific.  I asked the them casually how they'd feel about adding more kids to our family.  L said, "Mom, it's wonderful to give a kid a home."  PT said, "Oh it's a good thing.  If it is a boy, I'll have someone else to play with."  I asked him how he'd feel if it was a girl and he said (with a big smile), "I am a very special boy.  I am the only boy and the only one with food allergies in our family."  J said, "It would be cool if they looked like JJ and were named JJ too.  They'd be like twins." 

Since then, I have tried to keep up with daily tasks.  Bath night with all four kids.  Doing homework.  Going to appointments.  Poor H is trapped in meetings and trying to process all of this too.  He and I have talked a lot, and in much detail.  We have gotten some good advice from friends and family (Thanks!).   Most importantly, we have prayed for guidance and for each person touched by the situation. 

After all of the that, we decided...YES!!

I told the kids tonight and right away they said, "Yes!"  We told them that we are not 100% sure how and when this will happen.  Everyone wanted to share a room with a 2 year old. Crazy kids.  They don't know what they are in for.

Heck, I don't know what I am in for.  Five kids ages 8 and under might just take me over the edge but it will certainly make my heart explode with love.  After all, love multiplies.  It doesn't divide.  Someone told me that God will provide us with all that we need to raise these children.  I believe that too, yet my joking response was, "Does God provide me Lithium?"   Instead, I am under the calming influence of Girl Scout Cookies and Glee on DVR.

We have given the adoption worker our decision and we are awaiting further details and confirmation. We know that nothing is certain yet so I am cautious.  However, we are hopeful and excited.  I know that I love my husband and kids even more for having such open hearts.  I know that our friends and family have been supportive and we are thankful.  We don't have all of the details figured out yet but the one thing I have learned after having four kids is that you can't control everything (even though I wish I could).  Parenting is a leap of faith!

I can't wait to see if we will be a party of 7!

Wanna Buy A Candy Bar??

We are hit up all the time for money at school.  Some days I feel  a little "nickle and dimed" to death. Don't get me wrong, fund raising is necessary especially now, and most of the opportunities offered in our district have been tasteful and reasonable and usually, I participate.  However, the other day I walked into PT's open house and the first thing we ran into was all of the kids' artwork framed...and on sale for a mere $30.53.  I felt ambushed but I bought it.  It was really cute although overpriced, and 20% went to the school after all.  I know that PT would have been disappointed but would have been fine if I declined. After all, I don't always say "Yes" but he knows that I also don't always have to say "No" like some families.  But what would that have been like for a mom who didn't have $30 and usually has to say "No"?


They also had CD's and DVD's of the performance on sale (still a fundraiser yet overpriced). Then we have school pictures.  Not one time per year but two times a year, which I only buy once a year.  Oh, and don't forget the whole class picture and the yearbook.  Also, the yearly book fairs (at each of their 3 schools) which my kids love, spirit wear sale, teacher gifts, and class party fees.  We also participate in the Art to Remember program where we can have a piece of our child's artwork transformed into a lot of cool products like notecards, bookmarks, coasters, etc.  We always choose a magnet.

My favorite fundraiser is called "Pass the Hat."  There is NO selling!  Essentially, it is a spirit week when families are encouraged to donate to their child's schools PTO.   You choose what you can give and it goes in a sealed envelope and that is that.  Done.  They also encourage those who are able to add to their donation (~$25) to "sponsor" other children who are not able to participate.  I like this one because it is more private and the child doesn't need to know what you could or couldn't give.  Plus, there is no overhead and no candy bars to sell at a $0.25/bar profit.  It all goes to programming. 

There are also a few ways that we donate that has more to do with reaching out which I really appreciate being incorporated into a public education.  I also enjoy that our schools have a backpack program where food is donated by students and is discreetly issued (via backpack) to the children in need to provide some nutrition over the weekend.  Some of the teachers also have a read-a-thon to raise money so that the class can adopt a family in need during the holiday season.  There have also been opportunities to donate items or write letters to encourage our troops overseas or others in need.  They even have a breakfast for senior citizens where the children serve and entertain the elderly.

So I guess, I am not sure where I am going with this.  I just know that we support the school whenever we can.  I actually don't disagree with most of their choices for fund raising.  I just feel badly when I know that the multiple requests must be difficult for the families in need.  Children usually know when money is tight but watching your friends walk out with their framed art might just be a little too "in your face" for me.

Has your kid's school been discreet or a little too "in your face?"

Sunday Funnies- I Didn't Do It...

As my 3 year old "J" played on the floor, I noticed that there was a "Sugar Babies" crushed into to my new carpet right next to her.  I remember putting my hands on my hips and stating, "J! Look!" and I pointed to the evidence.  That little girl didn't even look nervous and looked me right in the eye and confidently stated, "I didn't do it and you didn't saw me." 

What?? I saw the evidence and she is still denying it, really?  Aren't little kids supposed to crave their parents approval?  No, not this kid.  She can be sugar sweet, smart, witty, and helpful.  But sometimes she can be a little sassy and demonstrate a little pre-criminal behavior.  We joke that she'll grow up and go into law...which side is yet to be determined.  Sometimes she will do something wrong and look at us like we have inconvenienced her by catching her.  Her verbal skills are great so she can come right back at you with a response like, "You are really making me angry." or "This is just ridiculous."  Much to my disgust, one day she was so angry at me that she was stumbling over her words until she blurted out,  "Errrr, you are making me sick!!" 

To be perfectly clear, I do not tolerate the backtalk or lying and it is addressed immediately.  However, I also have observed that children are born with very distinct strengths and weaknesses.  Some are easier than other to parent.  I have also decided that as a parent, I need to be very careful not to squash the essence of those gifts.  It is merely my job to help them use them for good vs. evil.  Hopefully, J will be assertive and confident.  Hopefully, she won't tolerate disrespect from boys.  Maybe she'll be a lawyer or CEO or run a "tight ship" as a mommy .  Who knows?  I just can't wait to watch her future unfold.

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Sunday  Internet Joke

Church Visitor

Gladys Dunn was new in town and decided to visit the church nearest to her new apartment.
She appreciated the pretty sanctuary and the music by the choir, but the sermon went on and on. Worse, it wasn't very interesting.
Glancing around, she saw many in the congregation nodding off.
Finally it was over.
After the service, she turned to a still sleepy-looking gentleman next to her, extended her hand and said, "I'm Gladys Dunn."
He replied, "You and me both."

- contributed by mbeckygrice

Sharing Saturday- Week 3 "Feed Kids"

First of all, we all know that this week has been devastating for so many due to the tsunami and earthquakes.  Our thoughts and prayers go out to all of those affected.   Some of the footage that I watched on television was truly unimaginable.   With all of the destruction seen in just a few days, we are trying not to lose focus of our own blessings and how to share just a little with others who need it. 

Well this week, PT finally decided what to donate to the Dragonfly Foundation....art supplies.  I reviewed with him the various options for donations and he finally said, "Stop giving me ideas.  You are messing up my head!"  I couldn't argue with that so off I went to get a few craft kits.  I know that my kids enjoy being creative so I think that he made a good choice. 

This week little J chose to "feed kids" which is very appropriate because this kid, herself, is driven by food.  She claims to be hungry about every half hour.  We will be donating boxed meals and cereal to our church's food pantry.  Also, the church is accepting financial donations that will be given to Kids Against Hunger.  Their website states that "every 6 seconds a child dies from hunger-related causes."  That is a horrible statistic and Kids Against Hunger offers ways to contribute to feed hungry children all over the world.  The average cost of a Kids Against Hunger meal is $0.23, per the website.  It is amazing what that quarter in my pocket can do. We have told the kids that we will match any donation that they choose to contribute out of their own money.  We will see what they each decide to do. 

I hope that this week is good to you all. 

Informed Consumers: Starting Young

Recently, a friend posted (on Facebook) a article detailing legislature that would allow advertisements to be placed on school buses.  Check it out at www.commercialfreechildhood.org/actions/schoolbusads.html. There are certain restrictions yet in some states, such as Ohio, violent media and junk food are not off limits yet political ads, cigarettes, alcohol,  and sexual content are prohibited.  I assume that districts needing to raise cash might take advantage of this opportunity, but should they? 

Well, my personal opinion is "No" and I sent a letter to my representative via the website to state that I am not in agreement.  I feel like I'd like there to still be some sanctuary where my kids aren't being advertised to.  My friend did make a good point though.  She stated that when districts are making such drastic cuts that negatively impact the education of children, "creative" ways to raise funds may be necessary.  She may be right.  If having a McDonald's sign on the buses saves the art program in my district, I might change my mind.  After all, sports jerseys have had sponsors written across them for ages.  Overall, I prefer it to be a last resort and should be strictly regulated and restrict all violent matter as well.  But most importantly, I think parents are now in a position where it can not be completely avoided so they need to guide their children through the commercial world vs. completely around it.  Teach them to be informed consumers. 

I have allowed my children to watch T.V.  There are limits and there is monitoring of programs but overall, I feel like I am a "moderate" on the subject.  I feel like my kids live in a world with diversity of ethnic backgrounds, economic situations, educational level, genders, priorities, and moral convictions.  Sometimes T.V. shows, books, and advertising reflects ideas very different than those of our family. 

When my kids were very little I started talking to them about commercials.  The shoe commercial would come on and my kids would be in awe and say, "I want those!"  I would take the opportunity to casually say something like, "Those look really cool don't they?  But do you really think that they make you run faster?  No.  It is their job to make it look so cool that we'll want to buy it. They can be a little tricky.  But we don't need it.  It is just a commercial."  If something was said or done on a show or in a book that I didn't like (i.e. Captain Hook shoots a pirate from a perch at the beginning of the Peter Pan movie or the damsel sits on her rear waiting for a prince) I'd follow up by saying something like, "Really?  That' is just pretend. We don't act like that, do we?"  or "I love that story but girls don't have to wait for a boy to save them, right? That is silly." 

As they have grow, the conversations have evolved.  There is the conversation we have about food.  We have categorized food by saying, "I love chips too but they are an almost never food."  Fruits and veggies are an anytime food and pizza is a sometimes food and Cookie Crisp is a "dessert" cereal...you get the point.  We talk a lot about wants vs. needs.  We talk about if we spend money on going out to eat or on toys too often, we won't have extra money for our bills, karate class, or vacation.  We talk about although we are using a credit card to pay for something or we get money out of the ATM, the money is coming out of our bank and when it is gone, it is gone. When we are in the toy aisle and they are spending their own money, we help them compare prices and quality and help them figure how to get more bang for their buck (i.e. one doll plus clothes/accessories for less than the expensive doll of the same size without extras).  We then let them make their own choice. A few weeks ago, L spent $15 of her own money on some cheap quality texting devices.  I talked to her about what quality she might expect from them yet she proceeded and was disappointed.  She barely uses them now but she had to learn. 

As my kids get older, T.V. shows and books get progressively more sarcastic which my kids never hear at home (yeah right!).  There are more boy/girl flirtations, etc as well.  There are more kids with name brand this and name brand that.  Clothes get a little more...little.  I am trying to navigate that now too.  We have tried not to buy clothes with the brand blazing across them.  Frankly, I feel like they should be paying me for advertising vs. me paying them to wear it.  (Except I just bought PT a shirt with a big swish across it....it was soooo cheap.  Hypocrite, I know.)  Also, H had a rule from the beginning....no words on their butts.  He said that he didn't care if it said "Jesus Saves."  It could only be there for one reason and he didn't like it.  Fair enough.  Also, we talk about showing your whole body in clothes just isn't necessary and doesn't show honor.  I am also prepared to say, "Don't you try talking to me or treating other people like that girl just did on that show.  If you repeat those behaviors, then we can't keep watching that show." 

I am sure that it may only get harder as they grow up and as advertising becomes less subtle and more ruthless and peer pressure escalates.  I can't avoid it completely.  I just feel like I have a short time when my kids actually think I know something about something.   I am going to try to take those opportunities to guide them through the maze vs. around it.  I'll intervene when necessary.  Sometimes it will work, sometimes it won't.  Hopefully, they will be informed consumers some day.  Here's to hoping. 

What works for your family?

*Note: more on school fundraising on Monday

The Tough Questions

"Mommy, why would God give people disabilities, cancer, or food allergies?" 
"What if I get cancer?"
"What are those plastic things (tampons) for?"
"Am I going to die too?"
"So, what's the deal with teen pregnancy?  How's that happen?"
"Do I have to have surgery to have babies like you did?  If so, I don't want to."
"Why is he in a wheelchair?"
"What is Heaven like?"
"Where does the baby come out."
"Why do kids need foster care?  Why can't their families keep them?"

Have your kids hit you with any tough questions like these?  Or have they blurted out something in the grocery store like, "Why is that man's belly so big?"  Well, of course they have.  I have had quite of few of the hard questions come up lately at my house.  Usually, they ask me them when the bus will arrive any minute, we're with a lot of people, or I have too many coals in the fire to even process well enough to give a good answer.  Sometimes they ask questions that I haven't really even figured out myself. 

I have a few strategies that help me survive the ambush and I welcome your suggestions too.  First of all, I tell the kids that they can ask me anything but it is usually best if we talk about it in privacy.  I remind them that people may not like their differences pointed out in public even if we think that it is a good thing. This was true when my daughter stated loudly, "Look Mom!  I think that girl is adopted.  Isn't that great!"   I tell them to "save it for the van."  That way they don't have to bite their tongue for too long, just until we make it back to privacy of the van. 

Strategy two is for the tough questions.  I can especially thank my 8 year old for this strategy being necessary.  She is very academically minded and she doesn't want simple answers.  I have to be prepared not just for the question but also for the follow up questions.  I have had to tell her, "You know what?  That is a great question and it deserves a good answer.  I need to think about that one a little bit.  Can I talk to Dad and get back to you on that one?"  I have also told her that "It is a little complicated so we need to talk about it when we have more time."  She usually is okay with that, as long as we actually get back to it. 

I want them to know that I'll be honest.  I have told them that they will may get confused about a lot of things along the way but they know that no one cares about them more than Mom, Dad, and God.  They can talk to each of us about anything. I tell them that if I don't know, I'll try to figure it out or look it up.  Thank, God, for Google.  I remind them as well that kids their age rarely have a clue either so don't automatically trust what they say.  Otherwise it is like the blind leading the blind.  I have also told them that some of the information we give them (i.e. childbirth)  is not to be discussed at school because "Their moms and dads should have that discussion with them." or "Different families believe different things."

I have also said to them, "What do you think?" or "Why do you think it is that way?" or "What do you already know?"  This way, it gives me a little insight into where they are coming from.  My friend's dad suggested stating, "So what exactly do you want to know?  What is your question?"  Then just start right there.  Good advice Mr. B. 

I am trying to prepare myself for the initial "bird and bees" talk and "having your period" conversation.  I know these are coming someday and I know that I'll be caught off guard.  Any advice?  Any good books for the little academically minded kid?  How do you survive these moments?