I have been a little distracted lately. On Saturday, the call finally came notifying us that the court had made the necessary ruling to take the next step toward adopting "JJ". The new adoption worker gave me a lot of information and I diligently listened and took notes...while on the inside I was jumping up and down! While we are not completely "out of the woods," finalization feels so much closer now. Hooray!
Before our news could settle in, I got another call on Monday. I felt a little cautious, as if something had changed or went wrong with the case. I listened carefully and didn't believe it when I heard the worker ask, "Would your family be interested in adopting JJ's 2 year old sister as well?" WHAT?? She gave me some details and told be to take time to talk to the hubby before deciding.
OH CRAP!! I realized that, at that very moment, my hubby was sitting on a plane to go across the county for a business trip. I quickly called him, and got no answer. He sent me a text back, "What's up? We are boarding the plane." I quickly wrote back with the short story. His response was, "HUH???" I laughed a little and within seconds he called. I spilled the story as quickly as I could and I heard the flight attendant telling them to turn off their "electronic devices." He pretty much told me not to give them a decision before he landed and that he didn't expect to have this conversation already. I told him to pray and call me when he landed.
I was excited and nauseous and emotional (and still am) all at the same time. I was having a hard time processing without having "H" around. I didn't fully know what he was thinking or feeling, but I knew deep down what my answer was and I didn't want to influence him one way or the other. I was feeling saddened for a little girl that was going to have a transition that she didn't understand. And frankly, I was freaking out! Would five kids fit in the van with all of the car seats? How would PT deal with having 4 sisters? Can we meet everyone's needs? What will the sleeping situation be? Can we afford this? Will this negatively impact the kids or our marriage? What would be best for JJ and her biological sister? How would our biological kids feel about it?
What was I afraid of, really? It was the simple fear of not being a good enough mom to all 5 kids. But one question just kept coming back...How could I ever say no?
I wasn't ready to tell the kids anything specific. I asked the them casually how they'd feel about adding more kids to our family. L said, "Mom, it's wonderful to give a kid a home." PT said, "Oh it's a good thing. If it is a boy, I'll have someone else to play with." I asked him how he'd feel if it was a girl and he said (with a big smile), "I am a very special boy. I am the only boy and the only one with food allergies in our family." J said, "It would be cool if they looked like JJ and were named JJ too. They'd be like twins."
Since then, I have tried to keep up with daily tasks. Bath night with all four kids. Doing homework. Going to appointments. Poor H is trapped in meetings and trying to process all of this too. He and I have talked a lot, and in much detail. We have gotten some good advice from friends and family (Thanks!). Most importantly, we have prayed for guidance and for each person touched by the situation.
After all of the that, we decided...YES!!
I told the kids tonight and right away they said, "Yes!" We told them that we are not 100% sure how and when this will happen. Everyone wanted to share a room with a 2 year old. Crazy kids. They don't know what they are in for.
Heck, I don't know what I am in for. Five kids ages 8 and under might just take me over the edge but it will certainly make my heart explode with love. After all, love multiplies. It doesn't divide. Someone told me that God will provide us with all that we need to raise these children. I believe that too, yet my joking response was, "Does God provide me Lithium?" Instead, I am under the calming influence of Girl Scout Cookies and Glee on DVR.
We have given the adoption worker our decision and we are awaiting further details and confirmation. We know that nothing is certain yet so I am cautious. However, we are hopeful and excited. I know that I love my husband and kids even more for having such open hearts. I know that our friends and family have been supportive and we are thankful. We don't have all of the details figured out yet but the one thing I have learned after having four kids is that you can't control everything (even though I wish I could). Parenting is a leap of faith!
I can't wait to see if we will be a party of 7!