I am quickly discovering that the blogging world is huge. With one click, I can find out so much information about some one's family, religious beliefs, talents, what they made for dinner, and even an occasional home tour. Sometimes I read something that inspires or motivates me, or maybe something that makes me laugh.
Then I go to my own blog. What's different?
As a foster parent, I am required to withhold information to protect our child's privacy. I can't share her name or pictures of her (that would melt your heart). I pause before I share any information about her new milestones even though I want to burst with pride because I know how hard she has worked in therapies and at home to achieve them. Do not misunderstand. I am not disputing the need for the confidentiality rules. I am just wondering what it would feel like to feel secure in sharing the whole story (Which on the internet, I don't think I'd ever feel truly secure.) about our whole family.
We love JJ so deeply. We love her as if she were born into our family. When she was placed in my arms at 3 weeks old, I couldn't have been prouder. I know (cognitively) that I am her "foster-mother" but my heart and instincts only hear "mother." I still know that this child is not "mine" but I don't think real love requires that type of ownership. However, we are definitely "hers" forever. Children all need someone to care for them unconditionally, without having their caregiver put up walls or defenses, although I am sympathetic to the need to. Luckily, I am someone that hasn't really been very good at "walls" anyways.
Unfortunately, we continue to find out that our journey toward adoption is most likely going to drag out longer than expected (again). Despite this disappointment and frustration, it will not change the way we will "keep on keepin' on" as a family. However, we do welcome prayers for JJ and all children in foster care that they might find the permanency, love, safety, and stability that they deserve. For decision makers, that they might have wisdom and guidance and may they always put children's needs and rights above all else. For foster parents, that they might have support, patience, and the skills granted to love, support, and to help heal little hearts.
JJ is so smart, friendly, healthy and very verbal. (I feel as though this isn't bragging because I didn't "make" her, right?) When she sees the dog, she lowers her voice and says, "Go away!" She gives kisses and hugs, and has the cutest dimple when she laughs. She is making great progress with her motor skills. She has a bright future and most importantly, she is loved by many. I am figuring out now, that is the only part of the "whole story" that matters, right?