Thursday, February 2, 2012

Birth Parents

I just wrote this post.
I was putting the last sentences on it and,
the power went out!
I lost it all.

So I will try again...

There are so many questions I and others have about birth parents.

Who are they?
Where are they now?
What did they do or not do?
Will they want the children back?
Was there abuse or drugs involved?
Is there a way to reunite the family?
Who would do that to a child?
Is there health issues?

I know that when we take a referral for a child through foster care,
I ask a lot of questions.
I want to know the details so that we can make decisions that are best
for our family and for the child in need of one.
I also ask questions along the way because children will need the details (whether good or bad)
when they grow and start to have difficult questions.
It is their story, their details, their losses.
They own it.

Usually, we are not talking about a child being voluntarily placed for adoption.
There is usually some evidence of abuse or neglect,
or other negative circumstances
making foster care the only option at the time.

Birth parents in these situations may not be
able to parent for any number of reasons.
Some may be struggling with mental health or developmental issues, addiction, young age,
limited positive role models, poverty, history of their own abuse or trauma.
The list goes on.

Foster parenting calls us to care for the child when the birth family can not,
and to
assist in rebuilding the family whenever it is possible.

Don't get me wrong.
I am not making excuses.
I get really mad sometimes.
I get very sad sometimes.
I get frustrated, often.

However, when I start to feel myself getting all judgey-judgey (I love that term.),
I try to remember that in some way, somewhere down the line,
the birth parent/family has broken down, and not being able to
parent your child safely because of any reason
is tragic.

I feel like if I spend too much time focused on the negative circumstances
that bring kids into care,
I might just miss the "call."

For now, in our current circumstance,
I know one thing for sure, that our girls' birth parents
make beautiful babies.

1 comment:

Bethany Reine' said...

thank you for this post. my husband and i had our first home study today. we are entering the world of foster care and couldn't be more excited or scared. i will be following you for sure!